it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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