she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
