i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
