theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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