You can't special order awesome
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
