He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
