That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
