If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
