How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
