Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
