I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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