I think i peed on brittanys purse
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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