Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
