i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
