She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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