Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
