I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
