I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When are your genitals available?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
