I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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