I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
