If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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