i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
