pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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