she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is Oprah even human
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize