Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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