I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this just has baby written all over it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
