Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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