we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My feet surprised me
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