uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just high enough for therapy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My life is pants optional.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
