I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
