Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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