I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
