So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm having to shit out rocks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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