I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he shaved USA in his pubs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
