Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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