The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
