I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize