Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
