Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
