I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
