I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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