Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
