Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
