Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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