I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
