you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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