I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
