Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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