you guys were way drunker than both of me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
