First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
