OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
