So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
