I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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