I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
