CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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