I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
