How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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