Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
