I think my vagina is haunted
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize