I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
