Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
