GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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