...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
