She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
