I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
