You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize