come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
