My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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