I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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