fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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