there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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