Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize