his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
