she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
