apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize