I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize