I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
