I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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