Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
