Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
