ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
