It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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