My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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