Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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