Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
