worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
