I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
