I wanna bring you to show and tell
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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