Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
