Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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