Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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