Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
