I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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