Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone came in the potted fern
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize