Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
