how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
