under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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