I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
