i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
