everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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