i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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