Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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