I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
