I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
